Listening to: nothing
Hello my followers. Just so you know, I'm not dead yet.
Sorry I've not been active for almost a year now. I've had a whole load of shit to deal with. O levels particularly, which I somehow forgot was right after prelims. So that's why I didn't upload after prelims as originally planned. Sorry folks.
I thought that perhaps after O levels, all my shit would be good, but eehhhh nope.
I got sick with flu in Korea, I've lost my phone, my scanner isn't connecting to my computer anymore and I literally have lost some of my interest in drawing. I just feel like I can't produce anything portfolio-worthy. If I were going to Polytechnic as originally planned, stuff would be fairly easier, as the demands of the portfolio aren't as strict and I have several months more to prepare. However, my idiotic dad wants me to go to Junior college because he thinks I can't go to University if I go to Polytechnic and can't get a decent job if I pursued animation as I have always wanted to do. He's even threatening me and saying that he'll not pay for my school fees if I decide to go to Polytechnic to take the animation course. So yeah. I'm hoping to get into the Art Elective Programme or at least H1 art in JC. But I know it's not going to be easy at all. I've tried figure drawing and drawing from life, but let's just say I'm completely frustrated with the results at this point. The worst part? I need that shit in my portfolio to qualify. It's also kinda caused an artblock and a drain of passion too. I feel like I'm just drawing shit because I'm told to do so, and I'm not enjoying the fact that nothing is turning out perfect either. The fact that I've not practiced my art in half a year or more hasn't helped either. I feel like I've lost my touch at this point. Hopefully I can secretly apply to the Polytechnic and the pretend that no JC will take me and that I don't have another choice so my Dad won't have a choice but to reluctantly fund my education. I know. It's kind of a fucking dick move, but desperate times call for desperate measures after all. And if I can't at least get into H1 art because of my shitty portfolio, my life is literally over because animation is what I want to do, and I can't imagine myself doing anything else, except being an athlete. But even then, what do I do after I inevitably retire from athletics in my 30s?
I also hate my past artworks. They fucking suck. At this point, I'm just glad ED hasn't noticed the old me yet, because what I had put out in the past was so fucking cringeworthy, I felt like deleting this entire account at certain points during my long hiatus. Maybe I'll just dump everything into a folder called "cringeworthy" or "do not look", and direct any interviewers who want to look at my dA away from my past works. Hopefully they won't ask to see these abominations. Hell, I can't even stare at my old art for longer than 5 seconds now without feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I'm sorry I was so terrible. You people deserve better.
But nevertheless, I'll try to put out something for Christmas, or at least the new year. Maybe I'll draw some intentionally bad shit on MS paint as a joke for y'all too.
Season's greetings, folks. Hopefully all goes well.